heavyleg: (Default)
finding this poem in a book at the penn bookstore saved me when i was feeling crazy the other day. read. footnote preface, Sirens Knuckles Boots is the name of Dennis Brutus's first book of poetry, published in Nigeria when he was in prison (in South Africa). if you want to read some of his poetry, check out his website.



Stone Hammered to Gravel
(for poet Dennis Brutus, at eighty)
by Martín Espada

The office workers did not know, plodding through 1963
and Marshall Square station in Johannesburg,
that you would dart down the street between them,
thinking the police would never fire into the crowd.
Sargeant Kleingeld did not know, as you escaped
his fumbling hands and the pistol on his hip,
that he would one day be a footnote in the book of your life.

The secret policeman on the corner did not know,
drilling a bullet in your back, that today the slug
would belong in glass case at the museum of apartheid.
The bystanders did not know, as they watched
the coloured man writhing red on the ground,
that their shoes would skid in blood for years.

The ambulance men did not know,
when they folded the stretcher and refused you a ride
to the white hospital, that they would sit eternally
in hell's emergency room, boiling with a disease
that darkens their skin and leaves them screaming for soap.
The guards at Robben Island did not know,
when you hammered stone to gravel with Mandela,
that the South Africa of their fathers
would be stone hammered to gravel by the inmates
who daydreamed a republic of the ballot
but could not urinate without a guard's permission.

Did you know?
When the bullet exploded the stars
in the cosmos of your body, did you know
that others would read manifestos by your light?
Did you know, after the white ambulance left,
before the coloured ambulance arrived, if you would live at all
that you would banish the apartheid of the ambulance
with Mandela and a million demonstrators
dancing at every funeral?
Did you know, slamming the hammer into the rock's stoic face,
that the police state is nothing but a boulder
waiting for the alchemy of dust?
Did you know that, forty years later,
college presidents and professors of English
would raise their wine to your name
and wonder what poetry they could write
with a bullet in the back?

What do the people we call prophets know?
Can they conjure the world forty years from now?
Can the poets part the clouds for a vision in the sky
easily as sweeping curtains across the stage?

A beard is not the mark of a prophecy
but the history of a man's face
No angel shoved you into the crowd
you ran because the blood racing to your heart
warned a prison grave would swallow you
No oracle spread a banquet of vindication before you
in visions; you mailed your banned poems
cloaked as letters to your sister-in-law
because the silence of the world
was a storm flooding your ears.

South Africa knows. Never tell a poet: Don't say that
Even as the guards watched you nodding in your cell
even as you fingered the stitches fresh from the bullet,
the words throbbed inside your skull:
Sirens knuckles boots. Sirens knuckles boots.
Sirens knuckles boots.
heavyleg: (Default)
When it All Comes Crashing Down: Navigating Crisis
by the icarus project

Too often, we don’t get help or identify our problems until we’ve reached a total breaking point. When you or someone close to you goes into crisis it can be the scariest thing to ever happen. You don’t know what to do but it seems like someone’s life might be at stake or they might get locked up, and everyone around is getting more stressed and panicked. Everyone knows a friend who has been there, or has been there themselves. Someone’s personality starts to make strange changes, they’re not sleeping or sleeping all day, they lose touch with the people around them, they disappear into their room for days, they have wild energy and outlandish plans, they start to dwell on suicide and hopelessness, they stop eating or taking care of themselves, they start taking risks and being reckless. They become a different person. They’re in crisis.


please read this. it's important. )

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heavyleg

May 2009

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